Listen or Watch online at http://believersstatesboro.com/home/online-sermons/.

Training Camp

Proverbs 22:5-6 5 In the paths of the wicked are snares and pitfalls, but those who would preserve their life stay far from them. 6 Start children off on (train up a child in) the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. (NIV)

Psalm 78:4-7; Matthew 19:13-14

I. The Spiritual Condition of Your Child.

A. The Bible teaches that your child has a SIN NATURE.

Psalm 58:3; Romans 7:18

Children have a natural instinct to disobey and disbelieve God.

B. The Bible also implies that very young children are in a “PERIOD OF INNOCENCE”.

What this means is that even though they are born with a sin nature, God doesn’t hold them accountable because their understanding hasn’t developed.

2 Samuel 12:23

C. Children will eventually reach “THE AGE OF ACCOUNTABILITY”.

I believe there is an age that a child’s understanding develops to the point to where he/she can grasp concepts of right and wrong, sin and punishment, faith and forgiveness.

II. Three Dangers to Avoid when trying to lead your children to the Lord.

A. Don’t presume that your child will come to Christ apart from your influence.

Colossians 3:21; Ephesians 6:4

Trying to influence your children to Christ will drastically multiply their chances of

getting saved.

B. Don’t pressure your child into making a decision he/she is not ready to make.

You must be careful and make sure that your child understands the basic facts of the gospel, and understands:

WHY they need to be saved,

WHO makes salvation possible, and

HOW to be saved.

We must remember that only they can make that decision themselves, and not us for them. We can only encourage them, help them, and instruct them.

C. Don’t push your child away by being a hypocrite.

This one is self-explanatory, and a lot of parents make this mistake. You will push your children away if you don’t back up what you say with what you do.

Next Step: Do my best in trying to influence my children to Christ, and not live a hypocritical life before them.

III. Four suggestions to follow

A. PRAY FOR YOUR CHILD.

James 5:16

You have an obligation to keep yourselves clean and pray that God will save your children. KEEP ON PRAYING UNTIL ALL OF YOUR CHILDREN HAVE COME

TO CHRIST!

B. TEACH THE BIBLE TO THEM.

Deuteronomy 11:18-19(NIV) 18 Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 19 Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

C. SHARE THE GOSPEL WITH THEM.

1 Corinthians 15:2-4

Here is the gospel in a nutshell: Jesus Christ died on the cross and rose from the dead in order to pay for my sins and purchase for me a home in heaven.

D. ENCOURAGE THEM TO RESPOND.

ABC’s of salvation:

A – Admit that you are a sinner and you need to be saved (Romans 3:23)

B – Believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross and rose from the dead in order to pay for your sins and purchase for you a home in heaven (Acts 16:31)

C – Confess – Call to God in faith and ask Him to save you (Romans 10:13)

Next Step: Pray for my children, teach the Bible to them, share the gospel with them, and encourage them to accept Christ every chance I get.

Will you make a commitment today to get as close as you can to Jesus and do what you can to win your children to Christ?

Proverbs 22:5-6 5 In the paths of the wicked are snares and pitfalls, but those who would preserve their life stay far from them. 6 Start children off on (train up a child in) the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. (NIV)

Join us Sunday at 9 or 11 AM as Pastor Mike Oglesby shares with us about how to raise Godly children. We will also have baby dedication. If you would like to have your child dedicated this Sunday call the church office.

Over the past 3 weeks in our series, Fight For Family, we have looked at Building  and Defending our families against the enemy, Family Talk (communication), and Let’s Get Ready to Rumble (Conflict Resolution). This Sunday we will talk about being a “Tag Team”. Two or more working together as one for a common goal. We will look at the family tag teaming together and we will look at families tag teaming with the church for a common goal. Join us this Sunday at 9 or 11 AM for week 4 of Fight For Family!

We will also be going to Splash in the Boro Sunday @ 6:30 PM ! See you this weekend!

Listen or Watch online at http://believersstatesboro.com/home/online-sermons/.

Fight For Family Let’s Get Ready to Rumble Believers Statesboro 06-02-13

Nehemiah 4:14 After I looked things over, I stood up and said to the nobles, the officials and the rest of the people, “Don’t be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes.” (NIV)

When we say “Fight For Your Family”, who are we fighting against?

Ephesians 6:10-12

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.

11 Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.

12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.(NIV)

Every family is going to run into some conflict. As a family, we have enough opposition from outside sources as it is, therefore it is especially important as a family that when conflicts arise within the family, that they are resolved in a biblical manner with forgiveness and restoration as the goal.

In marriage and family life, the true indicator of success is how you process conflict. It’s how you handle it. All marriages, from bad marriages to awesome marriages face the same arguments, the same junk, and the same conflicts. But great marriages know how to handle conflict. They know how to fight; they know how to do battle with one another the right way!

How many of you are married?

How many are single here? Well pay attention because ninety-four percent of single adults get married at least once in their lives.

What do most marriages or families do when conflict comes? Sharing research done by the University of Washington’s Dr. John Gottman, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott share four disastrous ways to handle conflict, that are detrimental to relationships: (1) criticism, (2) contempt, (3) defensiveness

and (4) stonewalling.[i]

Four Disastrous Ways to Handle Conflict

Criticism

Molly and Steve were on a tight budget and without telling Molly, Steve who struggled with spending problems, went out and bought an expensive sound system. Molly blew up! When he didn’t measure up to her standards, Molly complained.

Molly had a right to complain and air her concern. It is not pleasant to hear a complaint, but it makes a marriage or family stronger in the long run.

“Conflict creates the fire of affects and emotions; and like every fire it has two aspects: that of burning and that of giving light.” Carl Jung

The potential damage begins to occur when: rather than complaining about his actions, she began to criticize him. “You never carry your weight. You do what you want when you want. It’s like living with a grown-up child.”

The difference in complaining and criticism is that criticism involves attacking someone’s personality rather than their behavior. (Blaming, personal attacks, and accusations.)

We should use “I” statements instead of “You” statements. EX: “I wish we went out more than we do” is a complaint. “You never take me anywhere” is a criticism.

Contempt

Steve and Molly still didn’t resolve their financial differences and in the heat of a nasty argument Molly yelled, “Why are you always so irresponsible? You are selfish!” To which Steve yelled back, “Give me a break. You are so tight you squeak when you walk. How did I end up with you anyway?”

What separates contempt from criticism, according to Gottman, “is the intention to insult and psychologically abuse your partner.”

Contempt is aimed at the heart and meant to hurt. It could be name calling, hostile humor and mockery.

Defensiveness

Once contempt began, Steve and Molly entered into defensiveness. They both felt victimized by the other and neither was willing to take responsibility for making things right. When insulted your natural inclination is to defend yourself: “It’s not my fault. You were supposed to pay the bill, not me.”

Defensiveness tends to escalate a conflict rather than resolving it.

Stonewalling

Exhausted and overwhelmed by each other’s attacks, Steve eventually stopped responding, even defensively and just said nothing at all. “You never say anything,” Molly would scream. “You just sit there. It’s like talking to a brick wall”. (85% of Stonewallers are men).

Stonewallers like to claim they are trying to not make things worse, but they do not seem to realize that stonewalling itself is a very powerful act that conveys disapproval, icy distance, and smugness.

Any marriage or family can find themselves stonewalling, becoming defensive, contemptuous, or critical. We need to avoid these traps, not let them become habits, repent and ask for forgiveness.

NEXT STEP: Honestly look at the way I handle family conflict and change

wrong actions.

Family Conflict Resolution

What should we do? What should we do when we have a conflict? Do is something that is

totally unnatural.

TAKE IT TO GOD

EX: Instead of thinking, “I’m just going to straighten her out.” or “I’m going to get him…” or “I’m going to jerk some sense into those kids!”

I’ve been reconciled to God through Christ, so I should take it to God. I should pray about the problem.

About 95 percent of the time, guess who is the one who ends up being convicted?

TAKE IT TO YOUR SPOUSE OR KIDS

Take it to your spouse if you have problems with them. Talk to your kids if you are having problems with them. Sit down together and talk it out in love. Have a “solution driven conversation.” Not an “accusation driven conversation”.

PRACTICE TLC

We need some TLC when it comes to conflict resolution.

The TLC Principle means we/I should resolve conflict truthfully, lovingly and compassionately.

1. TRUTHFULLY

Ephesians 4:25 Therefore, each of you, must put off, the Bible says, falsehood…

We’re to communicate, “Truthfully,” to our neighbor, friends, and yes, your spouse and children.

• Every time I speak truthfully to others, God shows up, God anoints, and God convicts.
• Every time I speak in a slanderous way, an accusation driven way, a mean spirited way, the evil one shows up.

So, we have a choice. Truth is the very fabric and framework of who God is.

1. LOVINGLY

Ephesians 4:15, …speaking the truth in love…

Truth, without love is brutality and love without truth is hypocrisy.

Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. (NIV)

EX: You are in an argument and using loud or harsh words with your spouse or kids and then a friend calls on the phone and you immediately choose to use soft kind words.

When we speak kind words to our spouse, even in conflict, words of truth and words of love, things happen. Conflict gets resolved.

Marital conflict can be like a leech or a ladder.

• It can be like a leech and it can suck the life out of marriage.
• Or, it can be like a ladder. It can be like the rungs on a ladder that take you higher and higher. It can take you to a deeper level of intimacy that you never thought was possible.

1. COMPASSIONATELY

Ephesians 4:32 Be kind and compassionate to one another… Put yourself in the other one’s shoes. forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (NIV)

Forgive each other, when you feel like it and when you don’t.

Remember, you’re in a covenant with your spouse. Covenant is not about feelings; it’s a blood bond for life, it’s about commitment on steroids. When you do commit and give yourself to the other one, the feelings will follow. But, you can’t live by feelings.

You are commanded to forgive. I’m commanded to forgive whether I feel like it or I don’t.

Avoid harsh words. Ephesians 4:26-27. “In your anger, do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. (NIV)

Ex: If you ignore a little disease on a plant or tree, the next thing you know the whole plant is dead.

Always handle conflict God’s way!

NEXT STEP: Implement the TLC Principle in my family!

Community Group or Family Devotional Questions

1. Research indicates that when conflict arises in family, most adults react to conflict the say way they observed their parents do it. Have you identified any of the four disastrous ways to handle conflict in your past family history, (1) criticism, (2) contempt, (3) defensiveness, and (4) stonewalling?

1. In your own words explain the difference in complaining and criticism. Give some examples.

1. In your own words explain the difference between “I” statements and “You” statements. Give some examples.

1. Do you agree with the statement “Truth, without love, is brutality and love, without truth, is hypocrisy.” Explain why.

1. The TLC Principle means we/I should resolve conflict truthfully, lovingly, and compassionately. In what ways have you tried or will try to implement the TLC principle in your family life?

Every family is going to run into some conflict. As a family, we have enough opposition from outside sources as it is, therefore it is especially important as a family that when conflicts arise within the family, that they are resolved in a biblical matter with forgiveness and restoration as the goal.

In marriage and family life, the true indicator of success is how you process conflict. Join us Sunday morning at 9 or 11 AM as we discuss how to Biblically handle conflict.